no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
