Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
