Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
