we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
