I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
