I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
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She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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