Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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