i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
