About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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