this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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