That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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