I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
