with your own penis?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
