I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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