I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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