Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize