please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
