??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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