It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
