I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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