You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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