just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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