belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
