Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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