the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
