we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
