I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
