david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
