the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You dont lie about slip and slides
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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