When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.