Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge