hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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