Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
