I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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