Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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