Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize