I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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