i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
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judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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