Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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