your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
