i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
