I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
