i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
