can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This can only be settled by a dance off.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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