So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
