Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
