Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
