ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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