U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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