If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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