I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
