Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
