I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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