In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
