So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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