dude i'm inner monologue high
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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