dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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