This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
