I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize