also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
