i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Damn victory sex feels great
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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