does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Randomize
