Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
A+ Viking dick
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
