all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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