Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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