I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
