I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
