coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
