u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
