Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
