with your own penis?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
