Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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