and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
