stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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