i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
