It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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