P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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