i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
