Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
