Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Pants are for mortals
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
