Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
