wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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