There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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