Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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